8th
Airing of My Grievances Regarding Children’s Television
I live with two little people. My son, Tyler (9) and daughter, Emily (nearly 2). As a result, the televisions in my home are frequently hijacked by these people. Over the years I’ve developed a list of concerns - grievances if you will - about some of the shows.
Dora the Explorer
If there is a cartoon social services office - they need to be called. Dora’s parents allow her to travel each day across the Mexican countryside - alone. All while being stalked by a kleptomaniac orange fox named Swiper. Her only supplies are a backpack and a vague map. Poor Dora.
Hanna Montana
Really? She puts on a blonde wig (merely three shades lighter than her real hair) and no one recognizes her. Apparently Malibu’s public schools are failing their students.
Barney
Is a dinosaur from our imagination… or is this is a example of group hallucination? Perhaps they should look for water pollution in the nearby city.
All Disney Movies
Why does the Mouse hate parents? Cinderella’s mom - dead. Bambi’s mom - now Venison stew. Snow White - no Mom or Dad. Peter Pan - orphan. Fox and the Hound - fox’s mother dies. Lion King’s Uncle kills Father. Not loving this pattern, I’ve got my eye on you Walt.
Caillou
Sure, he’s just a kid who’s 4, each day he grows some more… But he’s not growing hair. Why is he bald? It’s very concerning.
And finally, Sesame Street.
Remember Cookie Monster. “C is for cookie, that’s good enough for me”. Not good enough for the Street anymore. Now there is a new song “A Cookie Is a Sometimes Food.” It’s like I don’t even know you anymore Cookie Monster.
That’s all for now, Sponge Bob is on.
